“Nothing is more permanent than you make it.”

“Nothing is more permanent than you make it.”

As I thought about this during one of the Courageous Conversation meetups, I immediately thought of my relationship with “time.”

The thought of, “that lasted a long time,” from a younger version of me creeped into my mind.

I was in middle school, rushing back home, hoping to get there before my parents did.

[Spoiler alert, this happened multiple times]

All I could think about was, “I hope it’s there.”

Multiple times a year report cards were mailed directly to our homes, my friends at school talked about the day report cards would come in the mail and the trouble that was waiting for them once they got home.

I was scared even though my parents NEVER raised their hand on me.

I was scared because I didn’t want to disappoint them.

Reports cards, pieces of paper that showed our performance at school.

Grades, number of absences, comments about our behavior.

“Comments”, the only section that concerned me, every time.

“Talkative,” or “disruptive” filled some of those boxes on my report card. 

As I rushed home, to get the letter out of the mailbox addressed to, “Parents of Oleg Michael Lougheed,” I felt relieved, until I walked into the house.

My mom sat in the armchair in the family room.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Hi son!”

I made my way upstairs, to hide the report card, in my treasure chest, full of all of the other ones.

“Oleg, we need to talk,” my mom said.

“Busted,” all I could think of.

As I sat down, in front of her, I noticed she was holding a crumpled up report card, one I hid in the treasure chest.

“What’s going on? Why are you hiding these from us?” she asked.

One question after another.

Concluding with the final lesson: do NOT open mail that’s addressed to someone else.

The conversation took minutes, but felt like years.

Maybe it did take years because I held onto those awful embarrassing feelings and carried them with me for years, in my head.

Once again, “Nothing is more permanent than you make it.”

It wasn’t until recently that I came to this realization.

I had been holding onto these feelings about the report card for least 10 years from the time the event took place.

You might be wondering, “Why did it take so long to come to terms with this? Why didn’t you move on faster?”

Trust me, I’ve asked myself those questions over and over again and here’s what I have learned. I only know what I know at any given time. If I knew better, I would have done better.

To me, it doesn’t matter how long it takes me reach a certain perspective, what’s more important is that eventually I get there.

I have a choice in how long a perceived experience lives with me or the story I created about it. 

I have a choice in the type of experience I want to have with that event.

The time of report cards was not any different.

I chose to look at the report card situation and learn from it.

“What can I learn from that time of my life? How can I apply those lessons moving forward?”

Oleg Lougheed is the host of the Overcoming Odds Podcast, where you get a glimpse into the stories of individuals who have overcome adversity, suffering, and struggle in achieving their personal success.

How do you choose to see yourself?

“How do I choose to see myself?” I thought as I was getting ready to embark on the next chapter of my life, college.

Was I going to continue to see myself as my classmates and teachers saw me? 

It was difficult to leave the place I was raised in since I was 12 years old; the smell of my mom’s freshly-made, perfectly-cooked blueberry pancakes; the cloudy afternoons when I helped my Dad shovel the snow off the driveway; the hours I played with our dogs, Derby and Rocky, rolling around on the floor of the family room, becoming a vacuum as I picked up all of the dirt around me.

As difficult as it was to leave, I knew that I had to go.

I’ll always remember that car ride, sitting in the middle section of my mom’s minivan, tears streaming down my face, envisioning what this next chapter of my life could be, an opportunity to redefine how I chose to see myself.

In the prior years, middle school and high school, I was viewed as a “trouble maker” and sometimes a “bully”. 

I would talk back to teachers, I made fun of classmates, I was disruptive. This was the expectation of my peers and so I became what they expected me to be. 

I spent more time in the principal’s office than anyone ever wanted to.

For the longest time, I wanted to forget all of those experiences. 

I wanted to forget about all of the pain I may have caused others. 

But, instead, I chose not to forget the pain I may have caused. I chose to look at those experiences head-on and all the lessons that I could learn from them. 

One of the greatest lessons I learned was that I do not have to be what people perceive me to be. I can choose who I want to be. 

Going to college helped me break that cycle, it instilled enough excitement and hope within me that my life could be different.

I didn’t know HOW, I just believed that it was POSSIBLE.

I look back at that time in my life to remind myself that all is POSSIBLE. It is POSSIBLE to view myself in a different light despite the circumstances I was born into; it is POSSIBLE to leave my tribe behind and join a new tribe; it is POSSIBLE to dig deep enough to rid myself of negative behavior. It is POSSIBLE to learn from past experiences; it is POSSIBLE to love myself wholeheartedly.

It is POSSIBLE!

If you enjoyed this, please share your thoughts by commenting below or joining us on one of our weekly, “Courageous Conversations” virtual meetup gatherings.

Can I Change the World?

I was recently asked, “Do you believe you can change the world?”

I immediately thought of the most recent video I watched minutes prior to being asked the question featuring Steve Jobs where he said, “Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

Each and every one of us has the ability to change the world. It is our perception of what that means that may have you believing anything different.

As I reflected back on Steve Jobs’ message, I thought of the time when I didn’t think I could change the world.

I didn't think I had what it takes to influence the 7.7 billion lives worldwide.

Thinking about the number alone was overwhelming.

But, when I changed my perception of what changing the world meant, I realized that I don’t have to influence all 7.7 billion lives in order to know I have made a difference. 

The “world” doesn't have to be the entire universe; it could simply be the world that I am living in … the neighbors that surround me … friends and family … the strangers I pass by in the grocery store …the community I belong to…

I could impact each and every one in “my world”, in both small and profound ways.

It cost me nothing to smile at a stranger and brighten their day.

It cost me nothing to pick-up the newspaper from the neighbor’s driveway and deliver it straight to their front door.

It cost me nothing to be there to share my story knowing it will inspire others.

I get to be the change I want to see in the world.

I’m curious to know, “do you believe you can change the world?”

If you enjoyed this, please share your thoughts by commenting below.

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Oleg Lougheed is the host of the Overcoming Odds Podcast, where you get a glimpse into the stories of individuals who have overcome adversity, suffering, and struggle in achieving their personal success.

Out of Your Greatest Pain Can Come Your Greatest Gift

“Out of your greatest pain can come your greatest gift.”

I realized this while sitting on my bed, with the bedroom light dimmed, talking on the phone to a close friend, reflecting back on my past.

She said to me, “I know you had a very challenging childhood…that you were an orphan … that you lived in poverty … that you had no parental figures … but, what was your greatest pain?”

“I …”

A moment of silence followed, as I didn’t know how to respond.

I’ve never been asked this question before.

I started to think about all of the painful moments in my life.

The times I tried as a young boy to bring my birth family back together, all under one roof. The time I searched the streets of Chebarkul, looking for my birth Mom, wanting to just hug her and not let go…the time I was starving and had to find a way to eat…so many painful times.

The thoughts ran through and through my mind, racing, one after another.

Then, a specific memory came to mind.

I continued sharing with my friend the time I spent in a three-bedroom apartment in Newark, DE, alone, in a room, sitting on the floor, with tears streaming down my face. I recall repeatedly asking myself, “Why me? Why was I meant to go through all of this? Why should I have to endure all of this? Why did I have to lose such an important person to me… my birth Mom?”

As I began to think about it more and more, I could feel a heavy weight being lifted.

Not a day goes by without me thinking about my birth Mom.

I wish I could see her; hug her; kiss her … just one more time.

Even now, tears fall from my eyes onto the computer keys, as I think about her.

But, I also understand that I have a choice in how I view my past.

I understand that each of the experiences I’ve had on this planet can be gifts if I choose to look at them through a different lens.

In fact, this is exactly how I have been able to find my greatest gift, realizing that my past experiences have given me the gift to reach people in a special way, helping them to see their past as a gift too. I have created a community where people can share their stories, feel connected and understand that they belong. In this community people realize that their story matters.

What is your greatest pain? Have you been able to change the lens through which you see it?

You too can turn your pain into your special gift!

If you enjoyed this, please share your thoughts by commenting below.

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Oleg Lougheed is the host of the Overcoming Odds Podcast, where you get a glimpse into the stories of individuals who have overcome adversity, suffering, and struggle in achieving their personal success.

Pain to Power

I was recently asked by Brian Wright, host of Success Profiles Radio, “How have you been able to turn your pain into power?”

A long pause followed, as I sat there in silence, reflecting back on some of the painful experiences I have had in my life.

It was difficult to answer such question with a single response, as I believe it has been a combination of multiple things that have contributed to helping me make this transition.

One memory after another, or rather one traumatic experience after another came to mind.

It was as if I was watching a movie, on repeat, without any commercials or interruptions. Can you imagine that? In 2019? Probably not.

I thought of the time when my birth mom lost half of her ear during a scuffle that broke out at her boyfriend’s apartment … her body sliding down the hallway wall, with her face covered in blood, tears streaming down her face.

I thought of the time when I witnessed my sister trying to take our mom’s life with an axe. Fortunately, my bedroom door was there to stop what would have been an unimaginable image to live with for the rest of my life.

The list went on and on …

As I looked at each memory, what I realized was that part of my ability to “turn my pain into power” came from accepting and reframing the traumatic events.

At first, I had to accept the reality of each one before I could choose to look at them in a different light.

Sharing my story with others helped me do this.

People asked me questions I had never thought of before, giving me a chance to look at each and every one of the traumatic experiences from multiple angles, helping me develop multiple perspectives.

The more perspectives I had of each experience, the more comfortable I felt with accepting each one of them for what they were.

Once I was able to accept the different experiences, then I was able to reframe them the way I wanted to see each one. 

Nicole Ash, Brian Kelly, Kahila Hedayatzadeh, just to name a few, have been tremendous resources in helping me understand that I have a choice in how I look back at some of those traumatic experiences.

In addition, I know now that I can choose the language around these experiences when I reflect on them.

For me, this process didn’t happen overnight.

It took months of consistent practice, and being aware of how I talk about my past traumatic experiences.

I firmly believe that we have a choice in how we view all of the experiences in our lives.

We have a choice in whether or not we allow our past events to define who we are today.

If you enjoyed this, please share your thoughts by commenting below.

Who are you?

Have you ever been asked, “Who are you?” 

I have, many times.

I remember one time in particular, as I was being interviewed on a podcast, the host said, “Who are you?”

Instantly I wanted to give a single answer to such question, but then I realized that I was so much more than that.

As I sat there, in silence, with my hands interlocked, pondering on how to answer the question, I began to think…

I am authentic.

I am resourceful.

I am kind.

I continued to rattle off the tip of my tongue what appeared to be a never-ending list of values, beliefs and experiences that identified who I was. 

Answering the question made me realize that I am complex. Although I may choose to identify myself as only one thing, I truly am so many things all wrapped into one person.

I am the byproduct of multiple identities and will continue to grow in that way.

It made me realize that my identity is an ongoing process, not meant to be answered with a single label. How could I be just one single thing at any point in my life? I am so much more than that.

When asked, “Who are you?” how do you answer such question?

If you enjoyed this, please share your thoughts by commenting below.

Why do you choose to serve others?

I once asked myself, “Why do I choose to serve others?”

I choose to serve others because I want to make a positive difference in the lives of others.

I choose to serve others because seeing others overcome obstacles, gives me hope that I can do the same.

I choose to serve others because it gives me a new perspective of human beings, that we are all walking mirrors or reflections of each other.

A plethora of examples ran through my head as I thought about this new perspective.

A few years ago,  I walked through the Detroit Airport, to gate D18, when I heard a man shout, “... fucking fix it then.”

Even though I didn’t know the context of the conversation, I still saw myself in him, as I’ve used such a tone with others before, although not in the same sequence.

Another time I saw a homeless man, on the corner of the road in Austin, TX, with a sign, “Smile for a mile”. Even though, no words were exchanged, I still saw myself in him, during times when I faced severe adversity in my life.

Both of these instances made me realize that I didn’t have to be in the same exact time or place in order to relate.

I always see a reflection of myself in others, as long as I actively choose to relate to places where I’ve experienced similar feelings and thoughts.

Why do you choose to serve others?

If you enjoyed this, please share your thoughts by commenting below.

Have you ever felt like you had no choice, but to compromise your values?

I have, many times.

In fact, there is one in particular; I remember it as if it had happened yesterday.

There were five of us when it happened.

“Ding,” the sound of the entry bell, as we entered the convenient store.

On most days, such sounds didn’t bother me, but this time it was different.

“You guys go up front and we’ll wait here,” one of the kids whispered.

As he and I made our way toward the front of the store, my hands began shaking.

I have never done this before.

I followed him, as he made his way to the front of the store.

“Do you have any more Twizzlers?” he asked the store employee.

“Let me check in the back,” she responded.

As she made her way to the back of the store, I noticed his left hand reach for the stack of candy bars in front of us.

“Here, take them,” he whispered.

My hands were shaking, as I grabbed the candy bars out of his hands and shoved them straight into my pocket.

Rinse and repeat, one week after another, we would steal from the same store.

Until, one day, one of us was caught by our parents.

The next thing we knew, my friend and I were being questioned by his parents whether or not we stole from the convenient store.

“No, we didn’t steal,” both of us, repeated over and over again.

It wasn’t until years later that I noticed the consequences of compromising my value of, “honesty”.

What started, as a harmless act, to us at least, turned into a habit of not telling the truth for years to follow.

I found myself lying, in situations where I didn't have to do so.

“What is the harm of not telling the truth, if YOU know that it is not the truth?” I thought at the time.

But, it wasn’t until years later that I found an answer to my own question.

The act of “lying” was becoming my “truth”.

It was easier to tell a “lie” because that is what I felt more comfortable with.

A friend of mine during our podcast interview once said, “Your environment always wins.”

Well, this time my environment was certainty winning, as not only was I not always telling the truth, but also my closest friends were not telling the truth.

My actions were influencing them, and their actions were influencing me.

But, “honesty” wasn’t the only value I compromised.

The more I began to look at the relationships at hand; the more I noticed all of the other compromises I was making.

One of those was, “authenticity.”

I was choosing to wear a mask to avoid judgment. I continued to wear that mask to be accepted within my tribe.

As part of this cycle, I was also compromising, “learning.”

“How can you develop a meaningful and deep relationship with another person, if you are not able to fully be there?”

I felt as if I was cheating some of the people by not fully showing up.

I thought, “How could I expect them to be fully honest and transparent, if I wasn’t doing the same?”

Years went by before I was able to change those early habits.

It was during those years; I learned that I always have a choice and there is no choice in life too small to have an impact.

Today, I choose to stay true to my values, as they influence my thoughts, my actions, my beliefs, and the direction my life takes.

I can’t help but wonder, “Are you presently living in accordance with your values?”