Accepting Myself

I was born in Seoul and adopted when I was about four months old.

I am very fortunate to have two amazing parents and an older sister who’s also adopted from Korea.

During my first few years in the U.S., we moved around quite a bit because my father was in the military.

I remember as a kid I would throw temper tantrums and say things like, “You’re not even my real family.” I had no idea what that meant at the time, I just used it as a way to express myself. Only now do I realize how hurtful that must have been to my parents.

At 28, I’m starting to feel as if I should search for my long lost birth parents. But, I'm not too sure where to start and am afraid of failing or being rejected.

I want to try it before it’s too late.

There were many challenges I had to overcome once I got adopted. It was a constant battle to get in touch with my feelings, to fight my insecurities of rejection, to not feel like I had to validate my existence to my family or friends, and to get in touch with my Korean roots.

I’m still trying to overcome some of them.

I’ve been told that my birth family had four older brothers and sisters. I wish I knew why having one more child was too much.

But I would not be the person I am today, if I wasn’t adopted.

I am proud of being able to attend a Korean culture camp where other Korean adoptees get to spend a week learning about the culture. It was hard opening up to young girls about some of my struggles, but I knew it had to be done.

I’m sharing my story because I want people to know they are not alone.

When I was growing up I had no one to talk to about this.

Not that my parents weren't open to talking, but I had no one who could empathize.

The Internet wasn't a thing when I was a kid, and lot of adoptees weren't coming forward to talk about these hard feelings.

Things are very different now. If I can share my story to validate other adoptees’ feelings, then it was well worth the vulnerability.