I am sharing my story because adoptee voices need to be heard. The trauma that happens in being separated from your biological family is real and has so often been dismissed for a narrative that doesn't truly reflect the challenges that adoptees experience.
I was born in 1963, in Phoenix, Arizona. My mother was unmarried and relinquished me at birth.
At four weeks of age, I was placed with a childless couple.
I was raised as an only child in a middle-class home.
My parents were very active in their church community, which took priority over bonding as a family.
Looking back at my childhood, I struggled with loneliness and isolation.
I always knew I was adopted and did not look like my adoptive parents. I always searched the faces of strangers, wondering if we could be related.
Being an adopted child, some of the biggest challenges I had to overcome were loneliness and isolation.
I never attached to my adoptive mother as she had a personality disorder, also known as narcissism. My adoptive father was good to me as a baby and younger self, but he, unfortunately, enabled my mother's problems.
My adoptive mother abused me, physically and emotionally. It caused me to seek affection and attention as a teenager.
I was vulnerable to male predators and made some choices I should not have made, all due to my nonexistent boundaries, as I was desperate to be loved.
Today, I am 54 years old and created my own family with my husband, children, and grandchildren.
Over time I have finally recognized and am working through with the trauma created when I was younger.
Accepting that I've been traumatized and that I need to work through it rather than avoid my pain is the only way through.
It is VERY hard work and some days I just don't want to do it.
But, I take it one day at a time and am constantly self-reflecting on my progress.
For all of the readers, continue working and taking responsibility for yourself. Be gentle with YOU and take things a day at a time.