I Am Not Alone
Shanghai is one of the most prosperous cities in the world. It has nearly 24.5 million people, with each person having his or her own unique story.
My story begins not when I was born, but when I was found abandoned in downtown Shanghai.
I was just a few weeks old when I lost my family and identity.
For me, being adopted has always been difficult.
I was an only child within my family.
I grew up among mostly retired people and had little exposure to children near by.
I also had very little exposure to other people of color and Chinese people.
During my childhood years, I’ve experienced a lot of prejudice and ignorance due to my ethnicity. People used to ask me why I was with an all white family. Others were shocked when I introduced them to my parents.
In high school, students complimented me on my English. I was constantly being asked why I didn’t have an accent.
Guides at museums or heritage sites would hand me Chinese guidebooks without even asking me.
On certain occasions, strangers used to stop by and shout, “Ni, Hao” in my face, even after I told them to go away.
These events led me to believe that even as a child, I was always seen as an outsider.
For me, being Chinese symbolized being different and not fitting in.
The positive aspects, including culture, family, language, traditions, community, and food were all lost.
I didn’t have access or the means to keep these connections in rural England.
It took me a long time to come to terms with these thoughts and emotions. It was only then that I realized the greater impact I could have as an adult.
However, coming to terms with some of these thoughts and emotions was a struggle of its own. I struggled with feelings of neglect.
I struggled to find a sense of community or belonging.
A few weeks after I was born, I was placed in an orphanage in Shanghai. I remained there until I was adopted at nine months old.
I do not know much regarding my time at the orphanage. I can only refer to photos and videos of when my parents went to visit, nine months after I was born.
I used to fantasize as a child that I was the undiscovered leader of some great Kung Fu clan, or the last heir to an important business that needed saving (Hollywood movies really had me). However, it has dawned on me now that this fantasy is the closest I’ll get to knowing the truth.
I have now come to realize that it is not necessary to fit into a molding.
I may never be able to completely fit into the rural British culture, nor can I relate to the British-Chinese culture.
But, it does not mean that I am alone. I am still a whole person, despite the missing information in my past.
Despite all of the challenges, I am still part of communities and can share my experiences with people.
I am still figuring out what it means to be a Chinese adoptee and Chinese, I am content in knowing that I am just happy to be myself.
Over the years, I have been fortunate to find different communities of other adoptees.
Speaking with others has helped me quite a bit; as they can relate to my feelings.
In 2016, I decided to share my story publicly.
I’ve started a YouTube channel, “The Here and Nao” to document my journey and speak up about adoptee related issues.
The objective is to show the real adoptee experience, and not the Hollywood dream that we are constantly being told.
My goal for the channel is to reach others in similar situations.
I want them to know that they’re never alone.
I want to reach parents, so that they can understand what their kids might be going through.
I want to shed light on issues adoptees face from day to day.
The response so far has been amazing and I’ve been fortunate enough to receive questions, comments, support, and praise from people around the world. It seems that the issues raised by adoption have affected many. I even had one of my videos go semi viral on Weibo for one weekend and interviews from Resonate Voices. Resonate pinned me as one of the inspirational women that they interviewed in 2016.
I am committed to my project and helping others in the same situations as me. I want to change perceptions of adoption as this perfect image and show how the real situation can be; raw, emotional and as always a journey.
You Are Not Defined By Your Past
I am sharing my story because I want to erase the stigma adoption has and encourage people who can't have children of their own.
No child should be left behind.
I was born in Perm, Russia.
My family history still remains a mystery; however, I am trying to change that.
I was sent to an orphanage at the age of two. I don’t remember much of my time there.
At the age of three, a wonderful family adopted me.
Despite having wonderful adoptive parents, I am still interested in finding my birth parents.
I would like to ask them the same question I have been asking myself for years.
“Why did they give me away?”
To date, I have been able to overcome that fear of abandonment.
I no longer feel alone.
I am sharing my story because I want others to not be ashamed of their past.
We are not defined by our past.
After I was adopted, my perspective on life changed. Some say that life happens for a reason and even though I may not fully understand my story yet, I am much stronger now.
I am proud of how far I have come.
Developing Your Inner Strength
I was born in Saint Petersburg, Russia.
At the age of three, an American family adopted me. I am very blessed to be raised by an amazing family.
Prior to being adopted, I lived in an orphanage; however, I do not remember much of my time there since I was so young.
Based on what I’ve been told, my birth mother refused to take care of me. Then, I was immediately placed into a baby home.
Once again, I don’t remember any exact memories of living in the orphanage, but based on what I’ve been told, I had toys and other kids to play with. The only real problem was the lack of food.
My worst memory prior to being adopted is not knowing my birth mother. I have a lot of unanswered questions regarding her and the type of person she was.
On the other hand, my best memories after being adopted are those spent with my family. I am very fortunate to have been given the opportunity to obtain a quality education and create a close network of friends.
Today, I am still trying to overcome multiple challenges in life, including not knowing my birth mother.
I am also constantly battling anxiety. It has been very difficult to deal with, but I know that I will get through it one day.
I am proud of the fact that I come from a different country.
Unexpected Challenges
I’m sharing my story because I want other to know that no matter how difficult your life may be, there is always someone else who has it worse.
I was born in Fountain Valley, California.
My childhood years were very different from what most children experience. I had to grow up quickly.
At the time, my father was a marine and my mother was a stay at home mom.
I also had an older sister.
Things were normal until my dad started drinking.
It was sad seeing my family fall apart.
I used to cry, hoping that things would change.
My father did not like to see me cry. In fact, whenever I cried in front of him, I would always end up with a broken bone.
I remember being taken to the hospital with 22 broken bones and fractures scattered throughout my body.
At 11 months old, I was placed in foster care and I got shuffled through the system because I was in a full body cast and nobody wanted a baby in a cast from neck down.
A few days before my fourth birthday, I was finally adopted.
However, a short time later, the couple got a divorce.
My foster dad disappeared. Supposedly, he ran off with another woman. My foster mom started drinking. I still have memories of her drinking a 12 pack per day.
Every day, she would verbally abuse me.
There were multiple challenges I had to overcome since being adopted, including understanding who I was.
At 17 years old, I was kicked out of her house.
I haven't looked back since.
Now, I live with my biological family.
I'm proud of my thick skin. I’ve learned a lot of lessons over the years.
Overcoming Adversity
I am sharing my story because I want other adoptees to know that no matter how difficult a relationship is with your adoptive parents, they did want you, even if, they have a hard time showing it.
I was born in Dzerzhinsk, Russia.
In April 1996, a family from the U.S adopted me. I was only thirteen months old when I left everything behind.
Prior to being adopted, I was in an orphanage. Based on what I have been told, I entered the orphanage at six days old and remained there until my adoption.
I’ve also been told that my birth mother used to come to the orphanage; however, she only did that until I was six weeks old. I wish I knew more about her.
Living in an orphanage was difficult. Every day you would hear babies crying. In fact, that is all you ever heard.
Today, I deal with multiple challenges since being adopted.
I have a hard time accepting certain holidays including Mother's and Father's Day.
I am very fortunate to have two mothers and two fathers.
For the first ten years, I’ve been the only child. In the spring of 2006, my adoptive parents brought home another child. She was adopted from China.
I was excited.
As a family, we began to incorporate the Chinese culture into our lives. We spent each Chinese New Year at festivals, took Mandarin lessons, and much more.
I wish we did similar things to celebrate where I was from.
After a few years, things took a different turn. My adoptive parents started telling me that they wished they had brought home another girl instead of me.
It felt as if my closest support group had disappeared.
Over the years, I’ve dealt with multiple problems including anxiety, depression, and mood disorder.
In high school, I was continuously criticized to the point of harming myself.
I could not understand why someone who wanted me so badly would treat me with such hatred.
It was hard to find who I truly was.
Today, I am proud of the life I have created and the relationships I have built.
I'm proud that I am much more than what others thought I would be.
Never Give Up
You are never alone. Life is full of hope. Never give up.
I was born in Bryansk, Russia.
I was adopted a week before my eighthh birthday.
Prior to my adoption, I lived in a family that loved me, but absolutely hated each other. The household was made up entirely of women. I loved it.
However, things took a different turn when both of my parents passed away. I was three years old. It was hard.
Under the given circumstances, I was forced to live in an orphanage. It was difficult living in a place with daily physical and emotional abuse.
I will always remember the day when the caretaker’s son sexually abused me.
Survival was your top priority.
We were always punished. Whether it was for waking up caretakers, going to the bathroom at a “wrong” time or wetting one’s bed.
To make matters even worse, you were never allowed to defend yourself.
The worst memory prior to being adopted was the day my grandmother buried my mother. I loved her.
The best memory prior to being adopted was the time I spent with my grandmother. I still remember the days when we went to the park, baked fresh bread, walked around Bryansk, saw historic sites, but most importantly spent time together.
I never wanted those times to end.
Since being adopted, some of the biggest challenges I had to overcome include learning how to accept a different set of parents.
My adoptive parents were and still are very controlling of my life. It is difficult to live in a household where you are not able to make decisions of your own.
In addition, I had to learn a new language and convert from Orthodoxy to Western Christianity.
I overcame a lot of the challenges by creating a support group of my own. At school, I was able to connect with other adoptees and befriend them. They became my family.
Today, being adopted means an end to a life I was given at birth. I wish I could be with my birth family once again.
Hope is all I have.
Independent
Your past does not determine your future.
I was born in Moscow, Russia.
I was placed in an orphanage, Filatov #13, immediately after my birth and remained there until I was adopted three months later.
At the time, I did not know whether or not I wanted to be adopted.
My adoptive parents were always open about my adoption.
As I recall, my childhood was fun and memorable.
As an adoptee, I never faced many challenges after being adopted. The only challenge I am currently dealing with is finding my birth parents.
I wish I knew more about them.
Being adopted made no difference to me.
It was normal to me.
Recently, I’ve decided to take the next step forward and move in with my significant other.
People ask me, “What is currently holding you back?”
My answer remains the same, “Lack of schooling and my financial position.”
I work on my weaknesses daily.
In the next ten years, I hope to be more independent and have a career I enjoy.
I am proud of the family I was adopted into.
Fighting For Acceptance
I was born in Bulgaria.
Immediately after my birth, I was placed in an orphanage. It was located in the Romani ghetto. I ended up staying there for the first three years of my life.
I have extremely violent memories that haunt me from my time at the orphanage.
Everyday, I have to fight them.
I have neurodevelopment problems that make it hard for me to process my emotions, allow comfort, feel love, trust, and accept social interaction.
I rock back and forth constantly as a way of stimulation.
When I was adopted, there was no mercy. My name was changed to an American name.
I was expected to learn how to fit in within a family and learn a new language.
I went to physical therapy as a child, but it didn't seem to have much of an impact.
Despite all of the challenges, I am blessed that I made it to America.
My adoptive parents don't allow me to speak about my adoption and have "lost" my adoption documents.
They get angry whenever I have negative thoughts/emotions.
I wish more people understood the need to talk about it, but most people don't understand adoption, especially what it is and how it impacts everyone involved.
There is so much pressure to be the perfect child.
I’m sharing my story because adoptive parents need to understand that children must have time to get adjusted.
Don't physically or verbally abuse them if they don't understand certain things.
Be open to speaking with them regarding adoption.
Be patient.
A Blessing And A Challenge
I am sharing my story because I want other people to know that being adopted is a blessing, as well as a challenging journey.
I was born in Pitesti, Romania, a small town near Curtea de Argeș.
Prior to being adopted, I was raised in a predominantly white, upper/middle class family. They were very supportive of me, even though it may have been difficult to do so at times due to my disabilities.
I was placed in an orphanage six months after my birth. It was difficult to live in a place with constant abuse and lack of food.
Fortunately, at the age of two, I was adopted along with my twin brother.
I’m glad we left.
However, the memories will always be with us. The times we were tied to our crib, the constant smell of dead bodies and blood.
I first met my birth parents at the age of four via Facebook. Then, 21 years later, I spoke with them again via Skype.
I still maintain contact with them.
The biggest challenge I had to overcome since being adopted has been coping with my disabilities.
I lost my vision when I was three years old. I have a degenerative cataract in my left eye that can no longer be removed.
In addition, I am very insecure about myself and stubborn.
Despite all of the challenges, I am still proud of the fact that I’ve been adopted.
“We The Lees”
Lee was born in Busan, South Korea.
At four months old, an American family adopted him.
He spent majority of his life in Harrisburg, PA.
After graduating from college in 2007, he started his career working for the government.
At first, he had no interest in learning about the country he was born in or the Korean culture. His family attempted throughout his life to expose him to Korean culture.
However, everything changed when he attended a conference in 2010.
In 2010, Lee attended a Korean adoptees conference in Harrisburg, PA. It opened his eyes to adoption and a desire to learn more about his history.
In 2011, he returned to Korea for the first time since being adopted. Getting a chance to tour Busan, his birth city, along with the entire country was something that he will never forget. For the first time in a long time, he was able to fit in as he walked the streets.
When he returned home, he developed an interest to learn as much as he could about Korea and desire to expose himself to as much Korean culture as possible.
He joined local adoptee groups and even served on the board of a local Korean organization. This newfound interest in Korean culture eventually led to meeting his wife, also a Korean adoptee, at a conference in New York.
Lee's adoption story is not a unique one. So many Korean adoptee stories fall along the same lines.
He has never met his birth family or even initiated a search. He feels extremely fortunate to have the opportunity to watch how his wife, Whitney, interacts with her birth family. Seeing this firsthand gives him a desire to search for his own birth family.
He struggles with the fact that doing a search could lead to rejection, and never having what Whitney and her birth family have.
For Lee, just having the opportunity to control if and when he wants to search is enough in comparison to searching and being rejected if his birth family does not want to meet him.
Whitney was adopted at six months old.
Whitney's adoptive parents have always encouraged her to learn about Korean food, culture, etc. They would often ask if she had any desire to go back to Korea to visit or try to find her birth family.
However, her answer was always, “No.”
After graduating from college in 2009, the US job market was horrendous and Whitney was unable to find any sort of decent employment.
On a whim, she replied to an advertisement and applied to be an English teacher. It just so happened that the position was in Korea, of all places. She flew to the motherland about six months later to start work.
While she was living and working in 천안 Cheonan, South Korea, Whitney’s parents in Ohio started harping on the adoption thing again, “You’re just a couple of hours from 서울 Seoul. Why not go up to the agency and just look at your file?”
By that time, she was sick of hearing about it, so she contacted Holt in order to locate her parents.
In 2010, Whitney’s parents decided to fly to Korea for a visit. She was determined that it would be a good time to get her Holt visit over with.
She scheduled an appointment with the case worker in Seoul.
Whitney and her parents visited Holt Korea PAS together. She learned about her birth family’s history including how mom and dad met, how she had an older brother, how she came to be given up for adoption, etc.
However, it was the last page that had the most shocking information.
Many adoptees’ family records have little to no family information. Whitney’s was basically a genealogy. Full names & government ID numbers for parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles.
Her social worker at the agency explained that this was a rare case and how it would make a search relatively easy. The word “search” had never come into her consciousness before that instance. She paw-wowed with her parents, who agreed that a search just seemed like the right thing given all of the information that had been handed to them. The door seemed too wide open. Before leaving the office that day, Whitney gave consent to initiate search for her birth family.
One week after that initial search, Whitney sent a recent picture to Ms. Lee at Holt, along with a letter to give to her birth family. The caseworker responded that evening to say that she had translated it and would begin the actual search soon. She said normally it would take about two-three weeks for her to locate the family.
Whitney’s jaw dropped when she considered that she could potentially be meeting them in only one month. Little did she know…
About 48 hours later, on September 30th, Whitney went to her office at work to check messages after lunch. She was surprised when she checked her phone and saw six missed calls and a few text messages from the same unknown number. She called the number and found it was from Holt.
Ms. Lee asked, “Do you have a minute to talk?,” followed immediately by, “I found them.” Whitney stopped breathing. Ms. Lee explained that she had spoken to both Whitney’s birth father and birth mother that morning. They were, not surprisingly, shocked out of their minds. Ms. Lee also told Whitney that she had a 2nd brother…a younger one. She said both brothers were attending a university – the older in Korea, the younger in China. Neither brother had a clue about Whitney’s existence. Her birth mother said that she wanted to meet immediately, but she needed time to explain it to the boys. Ms. Lee asked, “So when can you come?”
After an afternoon of back-and-forth including multiple phone calls, it was decided. We would meet on October 1st…the very next day!
Whitney met 엄마 Omma, 아빠 Appa, and 성배오빠 Seong-bae oppa for the first time in 23 years on Friday, October 1st, 2010.
A lot has happened since that first weekend, which is how our blog, We the Lees, became a reality.
Whitney returned to U.S., met another Holt KAD, and they got married. They keep in regular contact with her birth family and go to visit them in Korea about once every two years. It has been quite the ride.
We hope other KADs will find our journey encouraging and feel a kinship. Most importantly, we want to remind other adoptees that they are never alone in the complex struggles that we each face. If you would like to learn more or connect with us, please visit our website.
You Are All You Have
Being adopted is not an easy life. But, as long as you can trust yourself that you will never give up on yourself, you are one step closer to acceptance, forgiveness and happiness.
You are who you are and you should never be ashamed of it.
I was adopted from Seoul, South Korea at 19 months old.
I’ve definitely had my fair share of challenges since being adopted.
My adoptive parents divorced when I was six years of age.
I felt abandoned, again.
The biggest challenge I had to overcome since being adopted was finding myself.
I still feel as if I never will.
I struggle with abandonment, anxiety, over sharing and keeping everything under control.
Throughout the years, I have learned to not care what others think of me.
I’ve decided to be more independent and do what I can in order to become the best version of myself.
For those who are in a similar position, always remember to:
1). Keep a positive attitude in life no matter what the circumstances may be
2). Maintain positive relationships with friends and loved ones
I understand what it is like to be different.
I know I have another culture to learn from.
I am proud of the country I was born in.
Accepting The Facts
I was adopted immediately after my birth.
Based on what I’ve been told, my birth mother found my adoptive parents through an adoption agency.
As I recall, my childhood was awesome. I grew up in the lovely Washington, D.C. area.
I still live with my adoptive father. Unfortunately, my adoptive mother passed away.
Realizing that the people who raised me weren't my biological parents was a tough cookie for me to swallow. It was even more challenging to accept the fact that my birth mother never wanted me.
I overcame that by learning that I have two parents who love me and would do anything for me—something my birth mother didn't think she could do.
I'm still learning to cope with the fact that I may never have a relationship with my birth parents.
I have little to no information on them, not even their names.
And yet, I am proud that something like adoption exists.
I think other people should know that adoption is another wonderful option.
Embrace Who You Are
I was born to an unwed mother in Incheon, South Korea.
Born out of wedlock in the 1980's, the realistic outcome of being an unwed mother was very taboo.
My mother lived with her sister during her pregnancy. When I was born, she was unable to see me for reasons unknown to her or myself. Being born with a cleft lip and palate, I was already "different" from birth.
I was given up for adoption due to my birth mother’s inability to financially support me.
I was able to find her couple years ago. She was immensely emotional when we met. She felt guilty for giving up her oldest child.
Today, we have a healthy relationship. We understand that we can't undo the years we have not been together; however, that does not change anything between us. I call her once a month.
In U.S., I grew up in a rural town in northern Indiana. My adoptive family raised me to have integrity, responsibility, and respect.
I was six months when I was adopted and welcomed with open arms by all of my parents' biological children.
My adoption day, also known as A-Day/Arrival Day/Gotcha Day/Airplane Day is January 7th. A date I have tattooed on my leg. A day I will always take time to celebrate.
At the time of my adoption, the local newspaper wrote an article discussing what it meant for our family.
According to the adoption documents, I was in an orphanage, The Social Welfare Society, from the time I was relinquished until I was adopted.
Today, the organization has multiple offices in a lot of major cities in Korea. Their goal is to support unwed mothers, orphans, and children with physical and mental disabilities.
The biggest challenge I had to overcome after being adopted was eating with a cleft lip and palate.
I've had at least eight corrective surgeries for my cleft lip and palate.
Starting from when I was eight months old until I was about 17.
Knowing that I looked different on so many levels, I was at the center of being teased in elementary school, middle school, and high school.
Negative comments regarding my facial features started in Kindergarten.
Racial comments started in middle school and high school.
I overcame the negative aspects of these experiences by having a loving family.
My adoptive family has always encouraged me to continue to laugh and learn how to accept myself for who I am.
My closest friends also played a significant part, as they didn't care how I looked.
I feel so empowered to have been adopted by my family. Not every adoption is perfect, nor is every adoptee "normal".
I can't and absolutely will not speak for others and their adoption. As for mine, I am thankful beyond words.
I'm proud of the person I am today.
My parents did a wonderful job of raising me, holding me accountable for my actions, and letting me learn life lessons on my own.
My siblings mean the world to me and they have continued to support me, as I will continue to support them.
I don't share my story unless I'm asked. I don't want to offend others. Adoption can be a very sensitive topic for many, despite their past, present, or current views.
Sharing my story is not personally important to me.
I know my story.
I embrace it.
I live it.
However, if sharing my story provides a positive influence on others, then peace be the journey.
Find Peace In Your Own Story
Whenever I am asked to describe myself, “Adoptee” isn’t the first thing that comes to mind.
Only recently have I decided to accept this term. To be completely honest, I sometimes get an interesting feeling when hearing the word, “adopted”. I have a very strong love/hate relationship with this word.
According to multiple dictionaries, adopted is defined as, “having been adopted OR legally made the son or daughter of someone other than a biological parent.”
I am fortunate enough to say that I have never been introduced as someone else’s adopted daughter. I resent the fact that such statements automatically lump you into a category. I know that I am different and that may very well be due to the fact that I am adopted. But, I’m 37 years old and am still not able to express my feelings about being adopted.
It’s hard for me to differentiate what I actually feel, as opposed to what society has taught me to feel about being adopted.
I grew up in a household with two loving parents and siblings.
One of the siblings is also adopted.
I’ve personally never felt that either one of my parents ever treated us any differently.
I’ve never felt the need to measure my parents’ love for me in comparison to their biological child. Our adoption was never a secret among the rest of our extended family. Not one family member has ever gone out of their way to mention it.
My childhood wasn’t perfect. But, whose is?
Parenting doesn’t come with an instruction manual. I’m learning that myself as a parent to a seven-year-old child.
Before my son was born, I was raising a stepchild with my ex-husband. For many years, I refused to acknowledge the idea of loving her any differently than any biological child I may have. However, things changed when I was nine months pregnant. I contracted H1N1 Flu Virus and fell critically ill. I was incubated and given an emergency C-section. Then, placed in a medically induced coma for the next two months. I first saw my son when he was two months old.
I never gave much thought to what my birth experience would have been, or how I would have felt if I first saw my son. But, when I woke up from my coma, I felt robbed.
This would be the trigger that eventually made me reevaluate all of my feelings toward my own birth experience. How ironic was it that I would have another two months of my life unaccounted for? I have no idea who took care of me during the first seven weeks of my life that I spent in foster care. Now, my own son would not have a mother for the first eight weeks of his life. When I first held him, I felt nothing. I certainly didn’t feel like I loved him any more than anyone else. That has since changed, but it has taken years of bonding with my child to arrive at this point.
During these past seven years, I’ve been grieving the sense of a deep loss. Time lost with my child, which developed into grieving time lost with a mother. It wasn’t until I experienced a catastrophic illness and forced to draw these parallels that I’ve ever felt any sense of sadness about my adoption.
I’m still not sure what it means. I have a mother and a father. I don’t want another mother and father. So why am I sad? Is it because there were two months of my life where nobody loved me? I’ve never been able to identify what this feeling of loss is.
I’ve been registered on reunion sites for adoptees and birth parents since the age of eighteen with zero success.
I recently was able to find my biological mother and contact her via mail and Facebook messenger.
In my letter, I didn’t ask for anything. I briefly told her about myself and reassured her that I had a very decent upbringing. I put no pressure on her for any type of relationship. I let her know that I wouldn’t mind being in contact if she was open to it.
But, she wasn’t.
This has been the ultimate rejection. I’ve always known she didn’t want to be a parent. I thought that one day she would want to be a friend, but that is not the case. My point in even mentioning this is that I only searched for her because I felt pressured to do so. I also felt that I owed it to my son to exhaust every effort in finding as much information as I could about our biological history. Nonetheless, people are curious and I’ve often felt they were more curious than I was about my own history.
Adoption means so many different things for many different people. It can be either a beautiful process or an ugly one. But, the fairytale narrative of it needs to change. It is my belief that it does a huge disservice to adoptees in that it attempts to negate important emotions and feelings that an adoptee is entitled to.
Reconciling my emotions has been an extremely important part of my adoption process that I’ve suppressed for far too long. My adoption story is a positive one. But, grief and pain have been apart of my journey, and that’s normal. I’ve often felt the adoption industry does more to protect the rights and feelings of birth parents and adoptive parents rather than the adoptees themselves. This is not okay. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told that I should be grateful when expressing my feelings about adoption. These types of comments are not helpful and insensitive. We as adoptees need to raise awareness about adoptee rights and make this process better for others. In raising awareness, I hope to find peace in my own story.
Unconditional Love
I am sharing my story because it is important to see adoption from multiple perspectives.
I was born in Valcea, Romania along with my twin.
We were both quite ill at the time of birth, which forced us to stay at the hospital longer than expected.
Once we were in a better condition, we were placed in an orphanage, Ceausescu’s Daughters.
Based on what I was told, the orphanage was much better compared to some of the other ones in the area.
At the age of two, I was adopted.
At the time, being adopted was a much better option than being in the orphanage. Life in an orphanage was unbearable.
Adoption to me is a positive thing. I think all children deserve a loving family and people who care for them unconditionally.
To date, I still live with my adoptive parents; however, I will soon be moving out with my little girl.
If I didn’t get adopted, I do not know where I would be. I am proud of all my current accomplishments including graduating from college. I am also proud of how hard I've worked to be where I am today.
In the future, I would like to move back to Romania with my little girl and meet my family.
Unsolved Mystery
It's important to let others know that adoption can be a good thing.
I was born in Busan, South Korea.
At five months old, a family from the United States adopted me.
Prior to being adopted, I spent some time with foster moms who took great care of me. I still have photographs of them.
Growing up in the U.S. was interesting. As I recall, I had an amazing childhood with lots of unforgettable memories.
I was never mistreated.
I had multiple close circles of friends.
I attended school as if I were any other kid.
My life could not have been any better.
Despite having wonderful adoptive parents, I still wish I knew something about my birth parents.
Whether it was their names, similarities…anything.
To date, I have a lot of unanswered questions. A significant portion of my life remains a mystery. A mystery that I’ll hopefully solve one day.
For me, adoption is a journey.
A journey that gives me the confidence of accomplishing anything set in front of me.
Searching for Hope
I was born in Feidong, Hefei, Anhui Province of China.
My exact age is unknown, but I was a newborn when I entered the orphanage. I was in an orphanage/foster care until I was adopted at 14 months old.
My orphanage was called the Hefei Social Welfare Institute. I don't remember what it was like, as I was an infant at the time.
I was lucky enough to be placed with a foster family until I was adopted. The couple who fostered me was very nice; I met them again two years ago when I went back to China on a heritage tour.
It was an amazing tour as I was able to meet other adoptees with similar questions. For once, I felt normal. It was awesome. Meeting my foster parents was interesting. They knew me and I had no connection to them. I felt like an animal in a cage being looked at. But, at the same time, it was reassuring to know I was loved.
I was adopted on July 27th, 1999.
I’ve lived in Kenosha, Wisconsin majority of my life.
I am an only child. It always bothered me because I wanted siblings, but I made it work.
I grew up in a household where my mom was the "bread winner" and my dad was unemployed. My mom and I have always been best friends, but my dad and I haven't had a good relationship since middle school. We’re just very different people.
I have no information regarding my birth parents at the moment. However, I am trying to look for them. Searching for my birth parents gives me hope.
Growing up, I struggled with feeling as if my birth parents didn't want me, that they didn't love me. I felt different compared to everyone else around me.
As I got older, I started to read more about adoption, which helped me better understand that my birth parents abandoned me due to government related issues.
Now, I know that my birth parents loved me and most likely think about me still.
Sharing my story is important because I believe people need to know more about adoption. It's not as negative as some people think it is.
A Wounded Soul Soars
In my 32 years of existence, I thought I was the only one experiencing these feelings of alienation and loss.
The grief can be unbearable, and I want other adoptees to know that they are not alone.
I was born in Sungnam City, South Korea, and given up the day after my birth in the winter of 1985. I was placed in a foster home, arranged by Holt Adoption Agency in Sungnam City and was cared for by a woman named Mrs. Han, Jeom Soon. I stayed with her for exactly three months until my adoption was finalized.
In May of 1985, I was placed with my adoptive family in Beaverton, Oregon, a suburb just outside of Portland. My adoptive parents are Caucasians who had three biological sons before adopting me. They wanted another child—specifically, a girl—as my adoptive mom was unable to have more children of her own.
I grew up with a great deal of love and kindness, and had a very happy childhood. However, when I reached my teenage years, the effects of being adopted started to take a toll on me.
Being adopted had never meant that I looked different.
It all started at our school. Kids would comment on my ethnicity and point out the differences. I hated being known as the "adopted Asian kid" at school.
I just wanted to blend in, be "normal," unnoticed. Issues of rejection, abandonment, and loss started to surface. I was angry, depressed, and lonely.
Since then, I’ve spent the majority of my life feeling that I had to prove myself to others.
I had a constant feeling that I was always second best. I've struggled with depression, feelings of insecurity, and the loss of connection and relationship with my Korean family.
I've worked on myself with the help of an amazing counselor who had experience with other adoptees. It has been a long journey of self-acceptance, forgiveness, and challenges.
Now, I’ve shed the broken shell of myself, and accept the love and support from those around me.
It has taken me a long time to get to this point of healing and contentment. It is not easy for a wounded soul, such as an adoptee.
I recognize that I would have never been allowed the opportunities I've been given if I had grown up in poverty. My adoptive parents built a sustainable life for me, and I’ve been able to rise above the hand I was dealt. I've been able to pursue higher education, relationships of my choice, and travel around the world.
Recently, I got in touch with my birth parents and family in Korea. On December 8th, 2016 I found out that my Korean family had received my letter searching for them. Since then, we have exchanged several e-mails and letters via mail weekly. I will be traveling to Korea in a few weeks to go meet with them.
My goals for this year include:
Successfully start at a new university
Find a new job related to my major
Continue working on staying fit
Continue building and growing my new relationship with my Korean family